ON PILGRIMAGE / Gordon B. Yeaton
Somehow Changed

It seems as if my life is getting back to normal, somehow. After so many months of not feeling well, and then the seemingly endless wait before the surgery and the recovery time after, it is akin to coming out of a fog and finding most everything as I left it, but somehow changed. I know my life has been altered. First, there is the miracle and mystery of the entire kidney transplant experience. Then, there is the renewed love and vitality of my biological family, followed by the warm embrace of my family at Saint Andrew’s, and the staff and students at Irvine High School, and of course, my close circle of friends. All of this convinces me, more than ever, that I am a truly blessed person. Blessed by a loving God, held in the palm of the hand of the Creator, cared for by my Savior, and refreshed and sustained by the Holy Spirit. New eyes and new hope exist in all I see and do.

And then I enter into another Lent, and yet, not just another Lent. A time for reflection and self-examination, yet with a revived sense of life and faith within that life. I have set upon this year’s Lenten discipline, not with the usual sense of "obligation," but with a very real sense of willingness to be open to this God who has been near me, lifted me up and sustained me.

Above and beyond the strength afforded me every minute of my transition in health, this Lent I am feeling the powerful, steady hand of God—holding me up and resolutely pushing me from behind—in loving, forceful ways, keeping me in touch with my ministry and all that is required of me. And while there is a certain level of discomfort, (which I think is not all that unhealthy during Lent), there is a more eloquent implication to my conversations with God. While I am trying to listen to what God has to say to me, I am also trying to shut up and not "yes, but" everything. To listen is one thing. To listen, and be willing to put my ego aside is quite another. It seems God is constantly asking me to take risks I’m not sure I am willing to take.

And so, this Lent, I am working on being that risk-taker. To be all that God wants me to be, I must be open to taking those risks, speaking those truths and in 12-step program language, "let go and let God." Only then will I be true to the miracle and mystery that has been shared with me earlier this year.