ON PILGRIMAGE / Gordon B. Yeaton
‘Everything That Happens
Is a Gift from God’

ne of our children recently made a decision that caused me to pause, and get angry, and get resentful, and want desperately to tell him or her just how wrong the decision was, and all the reasons he or she should change it back to how it was "supposed" to be. I carried this around with me for several days, and it ate away at me like a cancer. Several times I picked up the phone to call, but put it down with the number undialed. Or better yet, I tried to get Adelle to call and explain the reasons the wrong decision had been made.

This happened as we were nearing the end of rehearsals for "Brigadoon." In one scene my character was to be sitting reading a small book. and the director asked me to furnish the book. So. I went home and picked up the closest small, nondescript book at hand: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon. Yes, it was close at hand, and no, I had not been reading it recently, (more’s the pity.) That next night at dress rehearsal I was preparing to go on and picked up the book. just for something to do, I opened it to the reading for that day, read the short passage and POW, God hit me in the solar plexus. There was my answer. There was what I needed to let go of all this anger, anxiety and resentment. I should have known it was there all along. I’ve been involved with my 12-step program for many years now. But how often I get lazy, how often I forget about the basics, how often I work so desperately to control what is really in God’s control. And how often God needs to come along and smack me in the solar plexus.

In this reading for the day, I was reminded that everything that happens to me is a gift from God. I may resent disappointments, disagree with what someone else has decided, rebel against misfortune that I see as unwarranted or punishment, but if I take another look—if I see them with new eyes, they can be considered gifts of enlightenment. In some way unfathomable to my intelligence, my suffering could be the consequence of my own attitudes, my own actions, my own neglects. Our child had not made this decision to get at me. In fact, it didn’t even concern me. This decision was made because those involved believed it to be the best decision they could make at the time. How brazen of me to want to change that decision, or explain its "wrongness." But no, I get caught up in my woes, I allow my mind to fill up on grievances. I have much more to be grateful for than I realize. Why don’t I spend time remembering all those things in my life for which I should give thanks and praise? In other words, I must surrender to God and God’s goodness.

God is in charge of this situation, not Gordon. What Gordon is in charge of is Gordon, not his children, not their decisions. What I need to work on is getting rid of all my negative feelings, my self-pity, my resentments. What I need to work on is accepting and loving my children as they are - accepting, not controlling. If I can work on this, I will find myself able to use God’s help in managing my life in order and serenity. And be thankful that God loves me enough to hit me in the solar plexus once in awhile.